I (20M) was never really a social person and spendy my middle school alone but I was able to make some friends in high school
However, ever since I started my Bachelors I’ve struggled to make friends.
I’ve tried joining clubs or participating in events but even when I do manage to have successful conversations I can’t manage to turn that into a friendship. Considering how the year just ended I’m not going to have a chance
I never minded being alone when I was younger but my loneliness is really starting to really affect me.
I’ve lost any internet in watching tv shows or movies or playing any games, I can’t find the motivation to study and always feel tired.
I’ve also started to constantly fantasize about being in a romantic relationship and worry about if I’ll be alone for the rest of my life despite the fact that I’ve never had any interests in relationships or even an IRL crush.
I also have a porn addiction that’s growing worse and I’m worried about its long term effects on me.
I’ve also never had any online friends before which means I don’t know where to start.
I really need help.
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Yo, seriously you need to talk to a therapist to help you unpack all of that. You’re 20, you’ve got time to grow and mature. Definitely look into taking some classes at a community college, lots of folks your age there.
Get a hobby too … volunteer…
Good luck.
Also life changes a lot in the next few years. Like how you probably are significantly different than your 15 year old self.
As for the social thing…it’s always intimidating until you start trying…are you going to goof up, absolutely, but you learn and grow. Also young adults are not a horrible as middle schoolers or highschool. Self confidence will help lots with that, but it’s also a fake it until you make it thing too.
Where in the world are you? Some places make it easier to make friends. Here in NYC there’s a shitload of stuff happening all the time. Seattle is legendary for being unfriendly (it has a wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Freeze ). Some suburban or rural void with a population of 200 isn’t going to do you a lot of favors.
But also you sound like clinically depressed. Go talk to a professional.
The Seattle freeze is akin to the Norwegian unfriendliness. People pretty much look past strangers as a kind of indifferent politeness, but it’s not actually cold or hostile.
If you find those activities like NYC or any kind of shared interest, Seattle opens its arms wide, be it for board games, death metal, knitting, cycling, whatever. All are welcome, well almost all.
Do you have access to therapy? This sounds like depression and the best way forward is to talk to a doctor.
I went through a similar phase in college. Took me over 6 months of putting myself out there, saying yes to every social gathering, going to every club/activity that sounded interesting, smiling and being friendly with everyone I met to make my first friend. Used to literally talk to people I happened to sit next to on the bus - complimenting something they’re wearing, talking about the weather, asking them what they’re reading all work to start conversations. If they seem cool, invite them to do something (and don’t lose heart if they flake out). Good luck!
Want to emphasize that inviting people to do things/hang out after your current conversation is key. And exchange contact info.
